Taper Madness aka Drive Yourself Crazy in 5 Easy Steps!

Step 1: Obsessively check the weather every 4.2 seconds.  Because obviously it is going to change that quickly.  Decided that it’s horrible weather and you are screwed no matter what the forecast actually says.  Have an irrational anger toward weather.com for not having a forecast that goes further than 10 days out.

Weather for Gma 10June

A little warm, but not terrible.

Step 2: Convince yourself that every small ache and pain that you are feeling is a major injury that will keep you from the start line.  Surely than small pain in your foot is a stress fracture.  And that headache?  A brain tumor!  Was that a cough?  Pneumonia for sure!  Or Swine Flu!  (Is that even around anymore?)  Drive not only yourself crazy, but also your significant other and your dogs crazy as well.

Skeptical Orion

Orion says, “I’ve had enough of your nonsense. Less anxiety, more petting and treats.”

Step 3: Convince yourself that you’re going to fail horribly and that everyone will judge you.  Somehow you’re going to end up living in a van down by the river (please tell me you get that reference!).  Put yourself into a major shame spiral.  Decided that wanting to run a marathon was the dumbest idea ever. Strike that.  Second dumbest idea.  Telling people about running a marathon was the dumbest idea ever.

Shame spiral

Step 4: Review all of your athletic clothing.  Promptly come to the conclusion that it is all terrible, uncomfortable, chafes, and is somehow causing world hunger (even if none of that is actually true).  Consider possibly running naked for a brief moment.  Then start shopping on Amazon.

If found on ground

Perhaps I should wear a shirt that will give instructions to others.

And now for the last and final step.  Listen to this one, kids.  It’s the most important one.

Step 5:  Realize that you are going crazy…but it is completely normal.  If you google taper madness, oodles of articles pop up.  People paranoid about getting sick, paranoid about injuries, worried about training, worried about weather…the list goes on.  And it is all perfectly normal.  After going through weeks and months of training, it is understandable to be anxious and stressed.  There is a lot of work that has gone into training.  But one race will not make or break you.  You have to trust your training and trust your preparations.  And you have to accept that you can’t control everything.  Like the weather.

Disney Marathon

Everyone expects to have to run their Disney Marathon in 800 layers and freeze, right?

Even if you don’t finish, you at least had the courage to start.  There will always be another race.  And your family and friends will always be there to support you no matter what happens.  I can tell you that no matter what, my Fella and monsters will be cheering for me the entire way and waiting for me at the finish line.  And they will love me and be proud of me like I won the freaking marathon…no matter the outcome.

Chris with dogs

My favorite cheering squad. I know how lucky I am.

Have you ever had taper madness?  What crazies did you experience?

Happy Tuesday!


Taper Madness aka Drive Yourself Crazy in 5 Easy Steps! — 12 Comments

  1. Hi Orion! And of course I get the van down by the river reference. 🙂

    I actually think shopping for a new outfit on Amazon during taper madness is a-ok! 🙂

    I just get stir crazy during taper! I usually hate cutting back on mileage by then.

    • Awesome! I was afraid that I would make the reference and no one would get it! And I found a lovely new top that I may try out. Oh taper madness!

  2. I always wonder how many hits weather.com gets right before a major race!! 🙂

    It’s absolutely the RULE to get something new to wear for a big race. I mean….every other article of clothing has a history and you don’t want to always be reminded of the past so start out fresh, I say!

    Ok, I haven’t been on blogland in eternity and who knows when I’ll get back on, so have a super fantastic day, my friend. Smile every mile – because, yep, you GET to do this!!! Excited for you!

    • Blogland misses you! I’ve been dying to make it back out to Denver, but it’s been too hard. Oh, and I think I found a super cute and comfy new top that I may have to splurge on and try out. I can blame it on taper brain, right? :p

  3. The skit with Chris Farley, David Spade, and Christina Applegate is one of the all time best SNL skits ever! I think when the taper crazies hit again, you should pull that skit up on youtube and watch it. You’ll be laughing too hard to worry about your race.

  4. new to your blog! I grew up in Duluth, MN, and that race is what made me fall in love with distance running! I’ve yet to run it, but it’s on my bucket list for sure! Good luck with the race, and taper madness!!

    • Thanks for stopping by and the comment! I only hear good things about this race so I am really excited for it!

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